sffanmike25
Bench Warmer
Threw this together pretty quickly, so bash my picks accordingly.
ROUND ONE
1. Detroit (0-16) – Eugene Monroe, OT, UVA: Looking to build up front, where they are told championships are won, the Lions take a franchise left tackle. Now they hope to find a serviceable QB at the 2nd 1st round pick they fleeced from Dallas.
2. St. Louis (2-14) – Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest – New coach with an emphasis on defense. After 9 minutes of entertaining trades for this newly lucrative pick, Coach Spagnuolo goes with Curry. Rams fans are unhappy with the choice… and continue not attending games. Officials located in the City of Industry applaud the pick.
3. Kansas City (2-14) – Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia: Tyler Thigpen throws his remote through his TV set after this pick is announced (with a direct hit!). Croyle tries the same and injures his wrist…and his TV remains unscathed. Pioli didn’t expect to find a “franchise” QB of Stafford’s caliber at #3, but will take the credit.
4. Seattle (4-12) – Jason Smith, OT, Baylor: To effectively run the boring Greg Knapp offense, you need loads of talent up front. How else will those draw plays on 3rd down and 7 produce 1st downs? Jason Smith is the guy taken here after incredible workouts. It’s now his job to keep whoever isn’t spending the night in the Seattle ICU upright.
5. Cleveland (4-12) – Malcolm Jenkins, CB, “The” OSU: With a need at CB, Cleveland saves money scouting in these slow economic times by taking a home state player. A new fan favorite is born, 2nd only to Kellen Winslow. But who is seriously going to beat out Kellen Winslow for that honor?
6. Cincinnati (4-11-1) – Everette Brown, DE, FSU: A little early for Everette, but he’ll cover up Cincy’s defensive deficiencies with his elite pass rush skills. It’ll turn out well for them long term. However, if you bring up long-term or any kind of future rebuilding promises to Bengal fans, prepare to be attacked. They apparently have been told this line in the past. *hides*
7. Oakland (5-11) – Andre Smith, OT, Bama: The Raiders look to quickly correct the recent signing of Kwame Harris. Raider management is in peak form. Oakland fans remain livid that Al passed on drafting Missouri WR Jeremy Maclin or Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree. It doesn’t worry Al, as he hasn’t listened to the fans since the first term of the Reagan administration.
8. Jacksonville (5-11) – Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech: Jaguars Coach Jack Del Rio has to find a quick way to take the edge off of the burnt free agent money last year by ownership. Crabtree is a good distraction for the time being. Jaguar and Crabtree detractors rejoice, proclaiming this pick the bust of the 1st round, since the Jags love to waste receiving talent, and the “system product” Crabtree allegedly has inflated receiving stats.
9. Green Bay (6-10) – Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas: Green Bay vows to not pull another Justin Harrell here. Having spent many day 1 picks on offense in recent memory, they go with the best defensive player available. Orakpo, a physical specimen, manages to gain another 10 pounds of muscle on the flight from Austin to Green Bay. In response, that airline company charges him another 50 dollars for the extra baggage.
10. San Francisco (7-9) - BJ Raji, DT, Boston College: Coach Singletary has to restrain GM Scot McCloughan at the 49ers’ Santa Clara headquarters, insisting on taking a defensive tackle. McCloughan wants a 2nd chance at taking a quarterback, mumbling something about the last time it was Mike Nolan, Urban Meyer, and the media’s fault.
11. Buffalo (7-9) – James Laurinatis, LB “THE” OSU: The Bills love taking big name players from Big 10 schools. And they don’t care if it is a reach. Or if they have enough Linebackers. They did this with Donte Whitner, and they’ll do what they please. In other news, Laurinatis’ spends his first bonus check on a condo in Toronto.
12. Denver (8-8) – Rey Maualuga, LB, USC: Denver, being so conditioned to having Mike Shanahan handle all team duties, almost miss their pick completely. With a whole 10 minutes to fill, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reports the pick has been traded 3 different times, with his unnamed sources providing the information. With those reports being false, Denver ends up taking a LB to run Mike Nolan’s 3-4 Defense next to D.J. Williams.
13. Washington (8-8) – Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss: The Redskins invest in the next generation of hogs, starting with this pick. Nothing cute here, just tough football in the trenches.
14. New Orleans (8-8) – DJ Moore, CB, Vanderbilt: The Saints, worried about another Davis family workout warrior, opt to go another route at CB. They cite quick evidence that Vanderbilt 1st round picks never go wrong. Chris Berman chimes in with a token “less is Moore” punch line of some sort, which no one remembers 5 minutes later. In order to have a mock draft, you need a good reach or two. This looks like one.
15. Houston (8-8) – Jeremy Maclin, WR, Mizzou: This offense should explode with Maclin alongside Johnson, Walter, Davis, Slaton, Daniels, and whoever is in one piece at QB. Houston is the first to mention it is a best player available pick, and that they want the Cardinals widespread WR attack for their playoff run.
16. San Diego (8-8) – Aaron Maybin, Penn St: Best player available. Should provide insurance and help to a defensive unit that ranked terrible against the pass.
17. New York Jets (9-7) – Mark Sanchez, QB, USC: USC continues its onslaught on the NFL’s first round with its 2nd player taken so far this year. Jets fans are 50-50 on the pick, but are more than convinced it is better than picking Kyle Brady.
18. Chicago (9-7) – Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU: Chicago feels like it has worn out its welcome drafting offensive players, so impact depth on D is the way they go.
19. Tampa Bay (9-6) – Hakeem Nicks, WR, UNC: The Bucs feel like they have gotten a raw deal here, with most of their hopeful target picks being taken. They reluctantly take Nicks after many attempted trades go bad.
20. Detroit (from Dallas) (9-7) – Peria Jerry, DT, Ole Miss: Detroit’s plan to get a QB here fails, since they are not that infatuated with Josh Freeman from Kansas State, and Sanchez is gone. So Peria Jerry (or is it the other way around?) is their consolation prize. And in other news, Dallas WR Roy Williams still hasn’t opened his playbook from last season.
21. Philadelphia (9-6-1) – Eben Britton, OT, Arizona: With an affinity for the passing game, Philly takes a top shelf pass blocker to keep Donovan off the turf. Not feeling out of place, this pick is booed.
22. Minnesota (10-6) – Alphonso Smith, CB, Wake Forest: Getting that 3rd CB will help next time around in the playoffs against heavy passing teams. Could be the 2nd CB if things go well for him in camp.
23. New England (11-5) – Chris Wells, RB, “THE” OSU: Not a Pats fan, not a big Wells fan either, so they match perfect.
24. Atlanta (11-5) – Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma St: Tried to name the tight end in Atlanta and failed miserably. Here’s the best one that’s available. This pick improves the offense significantly from a versatility standpoint.
25. Miami (11-5) – Sean Smith, DB, Utah: A pick that fills a need for a vastly improved Dolphin team. Parcells likes to keep things simple and straightforward, so I figure I’ll do the same.
26. Baltimore (11-5) – Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois: The Ravens take a chance with Vontae, knowing that his inconsistent coverage shown in college can be covered up by Ed Reed. However, the Ravens are confident they can groom him into a star. McAllister being released heavily influences this pick.
27. Indianapolis (12-4) – Brian Cushing, LB, USC: Someone has to take the slide, so Cushing is the fall guy. No good reason, but Indy goes best player available.
28. Philadelphia (from Carolina) (12-4) – Lesean McCoy, RB, Pittsburgh: Having an extra first rounder rocks. Philly spends it on the future. Philly’s recent drafts of Hunt, Moats, and others show their lingering concern about Westbrook, so I’m giving them one of my favorite players in this draft.
29. New York Giants (12-4) – Larry English, NIU: The Giants go with defense here, looking for explosive players. English has versatility and high rate skills, which helps the Giants. The rich get richer with this steal.
30. Tennessee (13-3) – Clint Sintim, LB, Virginia: The Titans never draft a WR early, and they love to draft RB’s on day 1. That’s how Jeff Fisher rolls. With that said, I’m going with them taking a linebacker here, preparing for the eventual departure of Mr. Bulluck. He’s an old man now, so it’s Mr. Bulluck. DT could be a need, but the Titans will avoid the reach and address it in round 2.
31. Arizona (9-7) – Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia: Moreno can’t wait to get started in Arizona with the defending NFC champs… only to look around and only see half of them are still there. At least he is able to recognize Leonard Pope.
32. Pittsburgh (12-4) – Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma – The Steelers go O-Line with this pick to keep the heat off of Ben Roethlisberger. Could also take Unger or Mack at the Center position.
Notable names not in the first: Matthews (USC), Mack (Cal), Johnson (GA Tech), Freeman (K St.)
ROUND ONE
1. Detroit (0-16) – Eugene Monroe, OT, UVA: Looking to build up front, where they are told championships are won, the Lions take a franchise left tackle. Now they hope to find a serviceable QB at the 2nd 1st round pick they fleeced from Dallas.
2. St. Louis (2-14) – Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest – New coach with an emphasis on defense. After 9 minutes of entertaining trades for this newly lucrative pick, Coach Spagnuolo goes with Curry. Rams fans are unhappy with the choice… and continue not attending games. Officials located in the City of Industry applaud the pick.
3. Kansas City (2-14) – Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia: Tyler Thigpen throws his remote through his TV set after this pick is announced (with a direct hit!). Croyle tries the same and injures his wrist…and his TV remains unscathed. Pioli didn’t expect to find a “franchise” QB of Stafford’s caliber at #3, but will take the credit.
4. Seattle (4-12) – Jason Smith, OT, Baylor: To effectively run the boring Greg Knapp offense, you need loads of talent up front. How else will those draw plays on 3rd down and 7 produce 1st downs? Jason Smith is the guy taken here after incredible workouts. It’s now his job to keep whoever isn’t spending the night in the Seattle ICU upright.
5. Cleveland (4-12) – Malcolm Jenkins, CB, “The” OSU: With a need at CB, Cleveland saves money scouting in these slow economic times by taking a home state player. A new fan favorite is born, 2nd only to Kellen Winslow. But who is seriously going to beat out Kellen Winslow for that honor?
6. Cincinnati (4-11-1) – Everette Brown, DE, FSU: A little early for Everette, but he’ll cover up Cincy’s defensive deficiencies with his elite pass rush skills. It’ll turn out well for them long term. However, if you bring up long-term or any kind of future rebuilding promises to Bengal fans, prepare to be attacked. They apparently have been told this line in the past. *hides*
7. Oakland (5-11) – Andre Smith, OT, Bama: The Raiders look to quickly correct the recent signing of Kwame Harris. Raider management is in peak form. Oakland fans remain livid that Al passed on drafting Missouri WR Jeremy Maclin or Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree. It doesn’t worry Al, as he hasn’t listened to the fans since the first term of the Reagan administration.
8. Jacksonville (5-11) – Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech: Jaguars Coach Jack Del Rio has to find a quick way to take the edge off of the burnt free agent money last year by ownership. Crabtree is a good distraction for the time being. Jaguar and Crabtree detractors rejoice, proclaiming this pick the bust of the 1st round, since the Jags love to waste receiving talent, and the “system product” Crabtree allegedly has inflated receiving stats.
9. Green Bay (6-10) – Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas: Green Bay vows to not pull another Justin Harrell here. Having spent many day 1 picks on offense in recent memory, they go with the best defensive player available. Orakpo, a physical specimen, manages to gain another 10 pounds of muscle on the flight from Austin to Green Bay. In response, that airline company charges him another 50 dollars for the extra baggage.
10. San Francisco (7-9) - BJ Raji, DT, Boston College: Coach Singletary has to restrain GM Scot McCloughan at the 49ers’ Santa Clara headquarters, insisting on taking a defensive tackle. McCloughan wants a 2nd chance at taking a quarterback, mumbling something about the last time it was Mike Nolan, Urban Meyer, and the media’s fault.
11. Buffalo (7-9) – James Laurinatis, LB “THE” OSU: The Bills love taking big name players from Big 10 schools. And they don’t care if it is a reach. Or if they have enough Linebackers. They did this with Donte Whitner, and they’ll do what they please. In other news, Laurinatis’ spends his first bonus check on a condo in Toronto.
12. Denver (8-8) – Rey Maualuga, LB, USC: Denver, being so conditioned to having Mike Shanahan handle all team duties, almost miss their pick completely. With a whole 10 minutes to fill, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reports the pick has been traded 3 different times, with his unnamed sources providing the information. With those reports being false, Denver ends up taking a LB to run Mike Nolan’s 3-4 Defense next to D.J. Williams.
13. Washington (8-8) – Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss: The Redskins invest in the next generation of hogs, starting with this pick. Nothing cute here, just tough football in the trenches.
14. New Orleans (8-8) – DJ Moore, CB, Vanderbilt: The Saints, worried about another Davis family workout warrior, opt to go another route at CB. They cite quick evidence that Vanderbilt 1st round picks never go wrong. Chris Berman chimes in with a token “less is Moore” punch line of some sort, which no one remembers 5 minutes later. In order to have a mock draft, you need a good reach or two. This looks like one.
15. Houston (8-8) – Jeremy Maclin, WR, Mizzou: This offense should explode with Maclin alongside Johnson, Walter, Davis, Slaton, Daniels, and whoever is in one piece at QB. Houston is the first to mention it is a best player available pick, and that they want the Cardinals widespread WR attack for their playoff run.
16. San Diego (8-8) – Aaron Maybin, Penn St: Best player available. Should provide insurance and help to a defensive unit that ranked terrible against the pass.
17. New York Jets (9-7) – Mark Sanchez, QB, USC: USC continues its onslaught on the NFL’s first round with its 2nd player taken so far this year. Jets fans are 50-50 on the pick, but are more than convinced it is better than picking Kyle Brady.
18. Chicago (9-7) – Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU: Chicago feels like it has worn out its welcome drafting offensive players, so impact depth on D is the way they go.
19. Tampa Bay (9-6) – Hakeem Nicks, WR, UNC: The Bucs feel like they have gotten a raw deal here, with most of their hopeful target picks being taken. They reluctantly take Nicks after many attempted trades go bad.
20. Detroit (from Dallas) (9-7) – Peria Jerry, DT, Ole Miss: Detroit’s plan to get a QB here fails, since they are not that infatuated with Josh Freeman from Kansas State, and Sanchez is gone. So Peria Jerry (or is it the other way around?) is their consolation prize. And in other news, Dallas WR Roy Williams still hasn’t opened his playbook from last season.
21. Philadelphia (9-6-1) – Eben Britton, OT, Arizona: With an affinity for the passing game, Philly takes a top shelf pass blocker to keep Donovan off the turf. Not feeling out of place, this pick is booed.
22. Minnesota (10-6) – Alphonso Smith, CB, Wake Forest: Getting that 3rd CB will help next time around in the playoffs against heavy passing teams. Could be the 2nd CB if things go well for him in camp.
23. New England (11-5) – Chris Wells, RB, “THE” OSU: Not a Pats fan, not a big Wells fan either, so they match perfect.
24. Atlanta (11-5) – Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma St: Tried to name the tight end in Atlanta and failed miserably. Here’s the best one that’s available. This pick improves the offense significantly from a versatility standpoint.
25. Miami (11-5) – Sean Smith, DB, Utah: A pick that fills a need for a vastly improved Dolphin team. Parcells likes to keep things simple and straightforward, so I figure I’ll do the same.
26. Baltimore (11-5) – Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois: The Ravens take a chance with Vontae, knowing that his inconsistent coverage shown in college can be covered up by Ed Reed. However, the Ravens are confident they can groom him into a star. McAllister being released heavily influences this pick.
27. Indianapolis (12-4) – Brian Cushing, LB, USC: Someone has to take the slide, so Cushing is the fall guy. No good reason, but Indy goes best player available.
28. Philadelphia (from Carolina) (12-4) – Lesean McCoy, RB, Pittsburgh: Having an extra first rounder rocks. Philly spends it on the future. Philly’s recent drafts of Hunt, Moats, and others show their lingering concern about Westbrook, so I’m giving them one of my favorite players in this draft.
29. New York Giants (12-4) – Larry English, NIU: The Giants go with defense here, looking for explosive players. English has versatility and high rate skills, which helps the Giants. The rich get richer with this steal.
30. Tennessee (13-3) – Clint Sintim, LB, Virginia: The Titans never draft a WR early, and they love to draft RB’s on day 1. That’s how Jeff Fisher rolls. With that said, I’m going with them taking a linebacker here, preparing for the eventual departure of Mr. Bulluck. He’s an old man now, so it’s Mr. Bulluck. DT could be a need, but the Titans will avoid the reach and address it in round 2.
31. Arizona (9-7) – Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia: Moreno can’t wait to get started in Arizona with the defending NFC champs… only to look around and only see half of them are still there. At least he is able to recognize Leonard Pope.
32. Pittsburgh (12-4) – Duke Robinson, G, Oklahoma – The Steelers go O-Line with this pick to keep the heat off of Ben Roethlisberger. Could also take Unger or Mack at the Center position.
Notable names not in the first: Matthews (USC), Mack (Cal), Johnson (GA Tech), Freeman (K St.)
op:
