Guy buys a parrot


Bench Warmer
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little
>It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud,
"Jeesh, I wonder
>happened to this parrot?"
>The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a
defective parrot."
>"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually
understood and answered
>"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be
a highly
>thoroughly educated bird."
>"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do
you hang onto your

>perch without any feet?"
>"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing
but since you
asked, I
>wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little
hook. You can't see
>because of my feathers."
>"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't

>"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can converse with
>reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports,
>physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really
>buy me I'd be a great companion."
>The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I
just can't afford

>"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the
truth is, nobody
>me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get
me for $20; just
>the guy an offer!"
>The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
>Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a
great sense of humor,
>interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he
>and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
>One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
>and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if
I should tell you
>or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
>"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
>"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife
greeted him at
>door in a sheer black nightie."
>"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
>"Well, then the postman came into the house and
lifted up her nightie
>began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
>"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
>"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got
down on his knees
>began to kiss her all over...."
>Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
>"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my